(Be)longing
by ididntwanttoshipit
Summary: "Had she ever truly experienced home in the way most others described it? Had a place or a person ever truly made her feel safe deep down in those darkest most fearful recesses of her being? Had anyone ever put her at peace?" A Star Wars Reylo fanfiction, based after the events of The Last Jedi. Spoilers within. Updated daily.
1. Chapter 1

It was only a soft tickle at first. But it was a clue. One Rey preferred to ignore, at that.

But it helped nothing, and as the gentle whisper of the sleeping breath of another rustled the baby hairs at her ear, she realized her mental defenses had been for nothing.

It was an endurance race, keeping their minds - souls - apart. There was something the Force wanted…needed from them. Rey had thought she had known what it was; to restore Ben Solo to the light, and strike down the First Order at his side. To unmake the horror he helped unleash upon the galaxy. To heal.

But Snoke was dead, Kylo had choked Ben back into submission, Luke was gone, the Resistance was picked down to a handful of souls, and hopelessness bled into Rey's every thought. Especially at night, alone, in a bunk on a ship that felt familiar but not quite like home.

Had she ever truly experienced home in the way most others described it? Had a place or a person ever truly made her feel safe deep down in those darkest most fearful recesses of her being? Had anyone ever put her at peace?

She had thought, once, that Finn would be her home. But she could never begrudge him for finding that in someone else. She knew every risk when she left.

Once more she had considered that Luke might become her home. But once faced with the bitter, defeated man, that hope crumbled to ash before her eyes.

But the last time…no. It was still so fresh, so raw, like a blaster to the gut every time it flickered through her mind-

A soft whimper and a subtle shift behind her stilled Rey's thoughts.

 _'Just like when you shot him?'_ A dark corner of her mind blurted, but it didn't feel entirely her own.

 _'You could have tried harder,'_ it pressed. Something hot and wet that Rey refused to acknowledge dripped onto the pillow beneath her sleepless eyes.

 _'He could have been your home.'_

Rey squeezed her eyes shut tight, fists white-knuckled around bundles of threadbare sheets, tears freely flowing.

 _'He made his choice,'_ she pushed back feebly. It was true. But it didn't make the twisting in her gut cease, or the silent sobs rocking her body settle.

Too late she realized that soft tickle, the steady breathing, was gone.

"Rey."

No. No. No no no no no-

Fingers. Soft. Combing through her hair…

So desperately she wished she could slam the door shut again, cut him off, keep him away-

"Shhh…"

She wasn't strong enough to keep up. Didn't have it in her to run. Soft fingers turned into a warm hand gliding down her neck, over her shoulder, down her waist…

'Stop,' the word was silently pushed across their bond. She couldn't trust her voice.

The hand stilled only for a moment before slipping back up to lace their fingers. She let it happen, realizing all at once how hard her heart was beating, how flushed her cheeks, how ragged her breathing, how dully her head ached…

"Shh." Just as soft. Gentleness felt foreign. But not from him.

Warmth surrounded her, a pressure against her back she wasn't accustomed to. Soft, tickling breaths resumed, this time dangerously close to her neck.

"Shh," the voice repeated.

She shuddered. The room shrank away.

Maybe this could be home for now. Destiny could come later.


	2. Chapter 2

All morning Rey's head ached with exhaustion. Snapshots of the previous night played across her closed eyelids. Ghosts of breath at her neck, sending goosebumps down her arms. The goings on of the morning briefing escaped her. Her mind felt clouded, fuzzy, unfocused for the first time she could remember.

Finn was the first to notice. Her half-hearted placations did little to soothe him, but he was soon swept away by his duties with Rose.

A shadow of something like jealousy danced over her when he finally departed.

Leia said nothing, but gave her arm a hard squeeze and her eyes a stern look. Rey knew she couldn't begin to explain the depth of her turmoil. Not with words, never with such crude instruments. But the loss. Leia could understand that much already.

Rey boarded the Falcon, Chewie at her heels. An early warning sensor buoy had gone down outside the Resistance's latest haunt, giving Leia the perfect way to keep Rey busy.

Rey wondered briefly if the General had ever been cared for as fiercely as she cared for others.

Chewie took the controls while Rey prepped the replacement buoy for deployment. It wasn't much of a distraction, but for the moment, it would do.

A tingle ran down her spine.

A woozy feeling took hold of her body, and her eyes slid shut of their own volition. She only came to when her hydro spanner slipped from her fingers - but instead of the sound of it crashing to the deck plate, came the soft slap of it landing onto flesh.

Kneeling before her. Breath coming in pants. Chest slicked and hair dampened with sweat. Eyes dark, intense, already boring into her…

She released the breath she had forgotten she was holding.

"Distracted?" Quiet, even, calm. Hand outstretched with her hydro spanner on offer.

How did he always manage that? Why didn't he hate her like she wanted to hate him?

Her fingers closed around the tool, eyes still locked to his. She didn't want to speak. She didn't know what would tumble from her lips.

He looked tired. Not from the training she had clearly just interrupted. Drained in a way she hadn't seen on him yet.

'Are you?' She asked without words.

He let his arm fall limp back to his side, but his fist balled. She found a nerve.

'The First Order is fractured.' He admitted it easily, returning to his full height to continue his form.

Rey stepped away to give him some space. 'Why would you tell me that?'

"You'd have found out soon enough," he muttered as he arched his body to one side. 'Hux left with his own dreadnought.'

'How do I know this isn't a trap?' Rey circled him as he stretched and swung, observing his form. Though which, at the moment, she couldn't tell.

She felt his smirk before she saw it.

'I don't really care if you believe me,' the soft swoop of a fist barely avoiding Rey's head. "Just making conversation."

Rey scowled.

'Aren't you afraid of giving away your forms?' She stepped away again to circle to his side. His eyes stayed on hers until he moved again, towards her.

She found herself leaning out of the way of his arm before she realized the strike was coming. Between her feet she bounced, ducking this way and that, only the sound of bellowing fabric about them until her feet were no longer beneath her, her body landing at an awkward angle against the counters and the wall. He was upon her immediately, his arm at her throat and his body looming over her.

"You need to improve your foot work," he breathed. Their noses nearly touched.

Rey heard nothing but her pulse in her ears and their matched panting breaths.

All at once it was over, he had bounced back to his feet with uncharacteristic buoyancy, and his hand was again outstretched.

Rey hesitated. Searched his eyes. Found no edges of suspicion, only blown pupils and dark circles.

Her trembling fingers reached out, slowly, only a hair's breadth from the warmth of his palm-

And he was gone.

Rey screamed.


	3. Chapter 3

Rey couldn't sleep. Again.

BB-8 knew something was wrong, had seen her fall on the Falcon. Heard the scream ripping from her core.

Chewie thought nothing of it. He brushed it off as human clumsiness and told the droid to drop it.

How long could she keep this up? How long until they found out? What would they do once they knew of this bond?

She knew Finn would want to find a way to exploit it. Listen in on confidential meetings. Manipulate Ben. But it didn't work that way.

She was most afraid of what Leia would think. Would it give her false hope? Would she fear that it could be used against them? Would Rey only matter so long as she stood a chance of returning Leia's only son?

She knew better than to feed any of Ben's intel to the Resistance. But, mere hours after his confession of weakness, their sources confirmed that the First Order had splintered. Reports of various First Order ships scrambling for control over what had been their own facilities were numerous, and left no room for doubt.

They were fractured, weakened, but most importantly - they were too involved with their own power squabbles to concern themselves with the remnants of the Resistance.

Rey wanted to believe Ben had done this intentionally.

Ben…

From the center of her stomach crept a sick black darkness. It ate at her gut, caused her to grab at the front of her thin tank top - at nothing - before she saw it. Hot red flashes of pain spiked over her body, as though it were being compressed from every direction. A body hung midair. Crimson gashes appeared on pale white flesh, seemingly from nowhere. A scream. The echo of a years old agony.

And closer, a whimper.

 _"Worthless. Failure."_ Words that had been spat down from on high.

Rey immediately turned in her bunk. Found the trembling shape of a sleeping man easily twice her size. Tucked him into her arms, without hesitation.

The final reverberations of the scream rang through, his breathing stabilizing against her chest.

"Shh," she finally whispered, fingers moving through dark locks.

'You did this for me once.'


	4. Chapter 4

Morning came as it generally did when in deep space; arbitrarily, with only a quiet but irritating beeping announcing its arrival.

A soft metallic _crunch_ and the droning ceased.

Rey's stomach seemed to drop out of her body when she realized she was not alone in her bunk.

This wasn't possible…All of their other meetings had been so relatively brief. Could he really have been there all night?

A slow, steady intake of breath above her head and a rough palm settling at the small of her back told her enough.

Rey was maybe freaking out. A little.

She had hugged people, yes. But this was not a simple hug between friends. This was a very large, not very friendly man. Who was very shirtless.

' _And very much not really there,_ ' her mind offered. It didn't help the burning of her cheeks. It kind of made her want to punch herself.

A sharp sniff chilled Rey's blood.

Why had she thought it could be as simple as giving a pained man comfort during his worst nightmares?

'Are you alright?' It was fumbled out, pushed lazily across their bond before he had fully regained his words. Something warm twisted in her belly.

He could feel her…well. She didn't know exactly what this feeling was. But he was in tune enough to sense it before his eyes had even pried themselves open.

'I-I'm fine.' She wondered how even the voice of her mind could betray her.

"What…" He started, shifted, drew in a tight breath, "…are you doing?"

"You had a nightmare," it was the simplest answer she could give, in the flattest tone she could manage. Her body was still frozen in the same position she'd woken up in, with one hand spread flat against his bare chest.

She worked to ignore the flutter she could feel beneath her fingertips.

"Rey…"

"I just," she drew a breath and some courage with it. "You were in pain."

Silence stretched on for a long time. Maybe he was trying to recall the nightmare in question. Maybe he was wondering why she cared. Maybe he was puzzling out why she thought this particularly compromising position would help him. Maybe it was disbelief.

Another, longer inhale.

"I'm not wearing pants."

"Oh."

If Rey felt frozen before, she may as well have been encased in Carbonite now. She considered very briefly the fact that she had never seen a man naked. Not in person at the least.

A sick feeling crowded around her stomach, but she knew it wasn't hers. A weakness sapped at her muscles. Disgust. Powerful, all consuming. But not for her.

Entirely for himself.

He left her arms empty in a panicked jolt, clutching a sheet about his waist as he moved away. ' _Repulsive creature._ ' The thought was not her own, but it echoed loudly enough to be overheard.

Rey wondered when she had started crying.

"Why?" It was the only thing she could manage through the rolling agony pulsing through their bond.

He glanced at her over his shoulder, already across the room at what she could only assume was his dresser. Rey distractedly realized she recognized one of the old scars on his shoulder from his nightmare.

He was like a powder keg in all other situations, but now. Now his eyes moved over hers as though his mind was not a storm. As though he were basking in its aftermath.

"Why what?" He dared to reply. Rey couldn't tell if it was a challenge, or genuine confusion - his pain was so _loud_.

"Have you always thought of yourself this way?" She pressed on. Could feel the way his stomach clenched, his skin chilled, how he _needed_ his suit, his cowl, his boots, his gloves, his _helmet_ -

'No,' she said clearly. Authoritatively. He could not hide again. Not like that. She wouldn't allow it.

It was then that he appeared stricken. Brows drawn together and upward. Eyes searching hers. Confusion. Shame, in such a thunderous chorus

She wondered how much of her feelings he could sense over the intensity of his own.

Empathy. Caring. A distant tingle she couldn't place. Things she had never wanted to feel for him before.

The door to her room opened with a hiss, pulling her eyes from his. By the time she looked back, he was gone.

BB-8 rolled in, excitedly announcing he had found her favorite flavor of nutrient bar for breakfast.

She pretended to have an appetite for food.


	5. Chapter 5

It was too quiet.

For so long, Rey had spent her time jumping from one disaster to the next. The weight of millions of souls hanging on her every action. Every inaction.

But now the Resistance was safe. It was regrouping old allies. It was bringing new recruits from worlds ripped apart by the factions of the First Order.

What was her place now?

It wasn't as though there was nothing to be done. But as a well-known figure of the Resistance, safety was always of greater concern. Or that was Leia's excuse. No matter Rey's protests, no matter how many times she asserted she could take care of herself. Under normal circumstances she would have simply done as she liked, taking tasks as they came. But these were not normal circumstances, and she did not feel rightly herself.

A long sigh escaped her lips. She folded her legs and attempted to meditate.

She imagined herself back on Ahch-To. Listening to the waves crash. The chattering of the caretakers.

Disappointing as that island had been, its beauty was undeniable. Filled her with a serenity that made it easy to see why the Jedi had settled there once.

She let herself wander the island of her mind.

It always felt bigger like this. Not crowded with the presence of a bitter man. Like it could belong to her, and her to it. All of it.

Her boots squished through the mud of a trail up the mountain. It was twilight - always seemed to be when she visited this place. Her current path led her along a jagged outcropping. She wondered what would happen if she fell, here.

Her fingers brushed over the sharp ocean-blown edges of rocks along the trail. It was damp, and her heart fluttered. Nowhere else in the galaxy had ever felt so vividly alive to her.

With a final clamber up a cluster of stairs, she had reached the group of huts she had stayed many nights in. Her feet instinctively took her to her own. The one that no longer existed in reality. To the place she had finally _seen_ her enemy.

The fire crackled peacefully in the background as she moved to sit. She was reminded of solitary nights long ago on Jakku.

And a certain less solitary night in this very hut.

She could still remember the tickle of their fingers touching. The electricity arcing between them. What it was like to hear those words from someone and to really, truly believe them.

" _You're not alone._ "

Her breath hitched. She remembered his eyes, so fittingly reflecting the dancing flame. Something within her instinctively reached out, though she did not know for what.

There was a flinch. A recoil.

The island faded away, fizzled out with the rejection. Pain curled around her heart. Loneliness chased after it, both an echo and a murmur from within. The serenity she had cultivated withered in seconds.

Silence enveloped her again.


	6. Chapter 6

The Resistance had captured a very important prisoner.

When Rey found out, she demanded they return to the base as quickly as physically possible. Chewie looked a little afraid at how manic she had become. But this was important. This was leverage.

Panic pulsed from somewhere distant, but she pushed the feeling from her mind.

They arrived at the base quickly enough, but Rey should have known having an audience with the prisoner would not be so simple.

"She was captured attempting to disrupt the operations of one of our fighter manufacturers," Leia answered the question Rey hadn't asked. She could sense it was a means of deflecting her request before she'd made it.

"We believe her to be one of the Knights of Ren."

She pressed on anyway. "Let me speak to her."

"Absolutely not," Leia snapped back without a moment's hesitation.

"I can get her to talk," Rey continued. "I know you haven't had any luck."

Leia's mouth was drawn in a thin line.

"You can't," this time it was a plea. "It's too risky."

The Cathar behind the observation glass stilled in her pacing. Her eyes snapped up, locking directly to where she knew Rey to be, but could not see.

Rey's stomach seized for a moment as she held the gaze.

Her eyes flickered back to Leia's.

"I can do this," she breathed. A calm confidence radiated from her words. Leia turned away. She knew the General didn't have it in her to fight Rey on this. Two fingers waved at the guard told her she was allowed to enter.

Not once since the Cathar had been captured had she rested - always pacing, always trying and probing her cell for weaknesses. Not one word escaped her, unless you counted the primal hiss she spat at any that entered her enclosure. Never fought. But she had the air of a wild thing. Something that reminded her of Ben.

She wondered if the capture was intentional.

Rey stepped through the doorway and locked eyes with the other woman.

'No,' it was an intense murmur, and for only a split second she saw him in her mind. Staring at her. He was unkempt, had days old stubble, face specked with dirt and blood. Saber alight. He was in the thick of battle. But after days of fighting the bond, this moment had ripped through his defenses. This woman was important.

Rey knew jealousy was not the correct response.

"Coward," the cat spat at her. Rey frowned. She knew her face would be recognized. But this was more. She let her feet carry her closer as the door slid shut behind.

"I've bested your master in combat," Rey stated calmly. "I believe some might find that brave."

The Cathar bared her teeth. "But you were too weak to accept a place at his side."

'Stop this,' another flash. His arms raised to deflect a barrage of blaster bolts. Rey fought to regain her center.

"As was he too weak to accept one with me," Rey said it clearly, let it ring loud across their bond. He ached like she wanted him to from those words.

"Fool." Rage bled through every word, every edge. Rey noticed that the woman's claws were extended.

This woman meant to kill her.

'Leave. Now.' He begged this time. She saw him plunge his crackling saber through the chest of a First Order officer and couldn't decide how it made her feel.

The Cathar's head tilted. She smiled. "You see him now."

Rey's body began to tremble.

A sudden, white hot pain ripped through her ribcage. Her hands flew to the spot, jaw slack and eyes wide as she stumbled backwards. The warm ghost of blood dribbled down her fingers, over her stomach.

The last thing she remembered was the woman's confused gaze as she watched Rey collapse to the floor.


	7. Chapter 7

When she awoke she found herself in the infirmary. Hooked to machines with medical scanners pointed from all directions. They had no idea what had happened, couldn't find a way to help her. _Still_ didn't know what was going on.

She tried to take a breath, and found it not dissimilar from trying to open your lungs while underwater.

The room dimmed and became hazy. He was there.

"Ben," she whispered. The effort the simple word took was excruciating.

"Rey," he murmured. She fought to a sitting position, still struggling to breathe. That's when she saw him.

Slumped against the wall. A pool of blood collecting around his nearly motionless form. Chest heaving with unnatural effort. The source of the blood, a respectable hole in his side, finally shimmering into focus.

She took another gasping breath.

He was dying.

"BEN!" She screamed it this time. Tore every instrument from her flesh. Lashed out with the Force at the sensors. Scrambled out of bed. Flew to his side.

"No," he tried to turn away. There was a blind panic flowing from him. Claustrophobia. Shame. ' _Pathetic worm._ ' He couldn't even die nobly.

"Not like this…" Barely more than a gurgled whisper.

"Ben," she chanted the name again, hands at his shoulders now. "You've got to get up. Right now."

A fresh trickle of blood bubbled from his lips.

"Please. Not like this," she mirrored his words.

Not another loss. Not another death.

"You're not alone."

She refused to be, ever again.

He laid still, watching her tears spill down her face with a kind of detached interest. She watched them land onto his suit and mingle with the blood there. His life force was fading.

"I…had always thought…I would die a hideous death."

Trembling fingers reached out with impossible effort. Rey didn't dodge them. Let them brush at a stream of tears, tuck back a lock of her hair. Locked her tearful, focused eyes on his fading ones.

"But this…This will do."

His eyes slid shut. Arm went slack.

"Rey-" panicked voices echoed down the hallway, hurried footsteps growing in volume, the hum of the med droid coming back online. Finn gripped her shoulders. Someone asked where the blood on her cheek had come from.

A soft shake of her shoulders pulled her out of her trance. His body had faded into nothingness. "Are you okay?"

The world came back into focus.

"I need to speak with the Cathar again."

Rey ran from the room before anyone had time to respond.

"She tried to kill you!" Finn yelled down the hall, hot on her heels. He didn't understand. But he would soon.

She couldn't do nothing. Couldn't even see not taking action as an option

"Where is he?" It was a demand, made the instant she burst through the cell door. The woman scrutinized her, but was not surprised. Curious.

"Why would I tell you?" There was a part of the Cathar that was afraid.

"Because your Master is dying."

She heard Leia's soft intake of breath.

The Cathar's ears flattened as she stared. She wanted to look skeptical. But as her eyes flicked between Rey's, it was obvious that she knew it to be true.

"I will not tell you." She twisted in her new cuffs. "But I will take you there."

Rey's eyes shot straight to Leia, loitering in the doorway. She looked uncertain. Shell shocked. Rey's expression turned pleading.

Leia nodded and left the room. Didn't look back.

Rey could sense the betrayal she felt.


	8. Chapter 8

"How long?"

It was a far cry from the interrogation Rey had expected. But the sick coil of guilt in her gut tightened all the same.

"Part of me thinks it's always been there." She couldn't meet Leia's eyes. She nodded in response, though, an understanding Rey hadn't thought possible. A gentle hand found her shoulder.

"Do what you must."

The words bounced inside Rey's mind as she boarded the Falcon with Chewie and the Cathar.

'Ben,' she touched their bond. Fear coursed through her as each second of silence stretched on for an eternity. Chewie prepped the launch sequence.

'Hurry.'

He didn't need to be told that she would.

"What is your name?" Rey finally dared to ask once they were en route. The cat had offered only course corrections, no set coordinates. But Rey could sense they were being followed.

"I am only a passing shadow." Her focus was out the view screen, presumably on her Master. She smiled as she turned to Rey. "You could not pronounce it."

Rey huffed in amusement. Her hands were still fiddling with the controls, fighting for every bit of speed she could muster from the bucket of bolts.

They arrived at the battle sooner than she had expected. Destroyers littered the orbit of the planet, locked in fierce combat with one another. Debris was flung far from the action. It was chaos. On the hot, lava-specked planet below was a valuable weapons depot.

As well as the man she had come to save.

Ben slipped just a little further away.

"Take us down."

Entering the atmosphere was easy enough with the busy TIE fighters spinning about, picking each other off one by one. They hadn't the time or inclination to engage the Falcon. Now it was Rey's turn to lead them. She followed the gentle tug of Ben's mind.

'We're nearly there,' she pushed across as they began the landing cycle. 'Hold on.'

The party disembarked with breathing masks securely in place. It was a sweltering, unforgiving planet. Ash black as night covered the ground and drifted through the air. He was so close. And yet drifting further away…

"This way," she announced to the small group before rounding a corner of vicious jagged rock.

Stormtroopers. Her mind was so focused on him she hadn't sensed their presence.

Chewie let out a yowl before he started firing. The cat was unarmed - had her lightsaber confiscated and was not allowed it back - but she managed perfectly well. Claws extended, scream ripping from her core, she seemed to fade away into an inky black cloud only to reappear as she slashed the throat out of one of the troops. Shadow seemed fitting now.

Rey hefted her staff, fingers aching instead for the blade still split in two. She waded into the battle nonetheless, staff connecting with two troopers as she swung it in a large arc.

The men stood no chance. Some even understood this and fled. But the Cathar, the shadow, would not let them escape. Another scream, another trooper with his throat slashed, and she disappeared after the others. Rey knew who had fostered her brutality.

She wondered now, eyes dancing over the bodies littered on the ground, the blood…why she had come.

Why did this man deserve to be saved?

 _'You are the balance,'_ something far away whispered to her. She did not recognize the voice. _'Both of you.'_

Her feet carried her away in a sprint. Chewie followed.

The tug led them to the mouth of a cave. Impossibly dark, with no air to be had. Rey gasped. Clutched her chest. Chewie asked her what was wrong.

He was here.

She stepped into the cave without a word.

And never saw her coming.


	9. Chapter 9

Razor sharp claws slashed across Rey's face.

She collapsed in a useless heap, staff bouncing away into the cave. Head spinning.

Nothing felt real.

A roar echoed from behind her, and she felt distantly aware of the clatter of Chewie's bowcaster joining her staff. The hiss of the Cathar as the two tore into each other's flesh.

"ITZAL!"

Everything snapped back into focus.

The scream boomed through the air in an unnatural way. The crackle of a lightsaber coming alive followed.

He was there. Swaying on his feet. Filled with a righteous rage powerful enough to carry him through.

Rey wondered if she couldn't see from her left eye because of her own blood pouring into it or because it had been cut through as well.

Chewie and the cat - Itzal - separated. Both stared in disbelief.

Blood. Still drip, drip, dripping from his wound.

"Master," the cat had a vicious smile as she kneeled. "I have brought you your prize."

"Go." It was an order. A plea. Rey could feel that he still had a fondness for the creature.

She looked stricken. Indignant. How could he refuse her gift?

"Her life is yours for the taking," Itzal explained as she rose to her feet. "Their hope can be extinguished, you can use this to claim your rightful place as Supreme Leader over all and reunite-"

"Enough!" He boomed again, the walls about them seeming to tremble.

Itzal's eyes narrowed.

"This waif has weakened you," she spat. "But you can still regain your power."

His rage flared. Rey's fingers silently closed around the strap of her staff.

"You have forgotten your place," he grimaced down at the cat. She bared her teeth.

"We shall see."

Rey pushed off of the ash covered ground, tumbling out from between them an instant before they clashed.

She was pinned behind Ben, Chewie still at the mouth of the cave. Still unarmed. He roared to her as he pointed outside - something was approaching. Stormtroopers. She had no idea from which faction.

Rey swung her staff into a ready position, watching the jabs and slashes of the fight for a break in movement. The second they pushed apart, Rey tossed Chewie his bowcaster above their heads, and dove into the fight in the same movement.

The Jedi moved in sync. Rey swept at the cat's feet as Ben pushed away her vicious hands. When she spun about to take another swipe at Rey's wounded face, she found herself pulled away. Back to facing Ben.

The Cathar stood no chance. She knew this.

Rey kicked her squarely in the back. She tripped forward. Into his arms.

"I would fall to no other." Her words were but a rasp of breath as their gazes remained locked.

He withdrew his blade from her chest and let her body fall limp to the ground.

Rey felt exhaustion overtake her before she saw him crumble to his knees.

Chewie was yowling again. It was only barely audible over Ben's grief. The Stormtroopers were upon them.

"We have to go. Now."

Ben stared up at her through tired eyes. Seemed to consider her words for a long time. Too long.

"Run," he told her. He made no moves to stand. Left his lightsaber aglow.

Rey let her own anger course through their bond, for once.

"You are as foolish and stubborn as your uncle," she snapped as she hooked an arm under his.

He wheezed a weak laugh at the comparison as she hauled him to his feet.


	10. Chapter 10

There was too much blood.

Every breath he took. He could feel it. His lungs were filling. He was swimming in it.

But she was so determined.

She'd dragged him to his feet. Slung his arm over her shoulder. And she trudged on.

It only took two steps before he was back on the ground, coughing and choking.

Force, how weak he was. How _pathetic_. Every word Snoke had spoken was true.

What a fittingly pointless end to his wasted life.

Rey snatched up her abandoned breathing mask and secured it to his face in spite of his protests.

"We have to move," she pleaded. The footfalls of the troopers grew in volume. Ben examined the gashes across the side of her face. Absently noted that they were even more perfect mirror images of one another now.

She was still so beautiful…

Two arms hooked under his, one on each side. Chewbacca carried him with one hand and wielded his bowcaster with the other.

Chewbacca. Who had shot him not long ago. Shot him for killing his best friend. His own father.

Not a shot to kill. Ben gazed up at the Wookiee. He didn't deserve his forgiveness. Nor his pity.

Ben's toes carved a channel in the ash as he was carried along. A red flash and he realized Rey was wielding his saber. Deflecting blaster bolts. Protecting them. Protecting him.

She had come all this way. Endured such hardships.

He knew her to be the most selfless being in all of creation.

And he knew himself to be the most undeserving recipient.

The Falcon was in sight. Chewbacca howled. "Almost. Almost." Rey chanted to him. But there was something else.

A presence.

Not on the planet's surface. But above. Among the debris of the clashing fleets. The remnants of his once mighty armada.

"Mother."

Rey's head whipped about, and she stared at him in disbelief.

But it was real. His mother was there. Had equipped the Falcon with a tracker and followed in secret. Just to be certain.

Just to be safe.

She was anything but, now. He could feel his ships closing in around her own. The frantic energy that charged her bridge crew. The pressure drops of distant bulkheads blowing from the strain.

Her only thoughts of him.

"Mother," he struggled against the arms holding him now. Chewbacca snarled as he quickened their pace.

"MOTHER!"

Their eyes followed his own to the brilliant white halo expanding amongst the debris. Rey fell to her knees at his side. A light had been extinguished.

Gone. Gone. Everything. Gone.

With a crook of his finger his saber returned to his hand.

"BEN, NO!" The words rung in his ears as he waded into the sea of white and black.

There was nothing left at all.

Blaster bolts bounced to and fro. Bodies dropped all around him. His injury was nothing but a distant thought.

She was _gone_.

So his horror would be, too.

His open hand extended to the stars. He knew what power he possessed.

Rey and Chewbacca could only watch as he ripped his own star destroyer out of the sky.


	11. Chapter 11

Rey watched Ben through the thick walls of a bacta tank.

He seemed to hover before her. There was a glow to him, almost angelic, that had nothing to do with the means of his suspension.

He was alone now. Cast out from his order. The last of his bloodline. The only member of his family.

Except for her.

Rey laid her palm flat against the glass and could swear she saw him turn toward her presence.

'I will be here,' she promised. 'Night and day. However long it takes.'

A calm she had never felt from him before crept back across their bond. Rey smiled.

It would be a long road. But one worth taking.

The first days were touch-and-go - but not from a medical standpoint. His rate of healing was impressive, but expected for a Jedi. No. It was being able to hold back the throngs of enraged Resistance members that was difficult.

Word had spread, as it always did, of the arrival of Kylo Ren as a prisoner.

Rey wished he could have just kept his helmet on a few more blasted days, then his face wouldn't have been plastered in the minds of every Resistance fighter.

There was respect among the upper ranks for his connection to the late General. To their credit, they had not yet made any moves to try and convict him of his crimes.

But it was a matter of time. And he still had not regained consciousness.

That didn't mean his mind was not active, though.

Sometimes there was a roiling pit of rage. Sometimes there was despair, loss. And sometimes, when Rey meditated at his side, there was a peace indescribable. Beyond what she could ever have achieved alone.

'You deserve this,' she would assure him. 'We both do.'

She could feel him wanting to believe her more each day.

Poe finally visited, but Rey knew at once that it was not a purely social call.

"Hey," he smiled at her tenderly and placed his hand on her shoulder. He paid no mind to the man sprawled out on the bed at her side.

Her jaw clenched as she fixed her eyes up at the pilot. He withdrew his hand, instead crouching to her seated height.

"You know what's coming," his voice took on a harshness that perhaps she needed.

"They want him executed publicly." Possibly the desire had not been vocalized by all, but she knew it was there.

Poe sighed.

"There's nothing I can do about it."

She knew he wasn't lying about that part. But she was also fairly certain he would never try.

"Why do you care what happens to this monster?"

It was a fair question. One without a simple, convincing answer.

"I need him," was all she could manage in the ghost of a whisper. Poe pinched the bridge of his nose.

Rey drew in a shaky breath.

"Do what you must," she echoed the words - the permission - Leia had given her. And it was a promise that she would do the same.

Poe drew himself back to his full height. Observed her and her unwavering attentiveness to the man that had wrought such misery and destruction.

He nodded and left the infirmary without another word.


	12. Chapter 12

Rey was very sure that if she spent another second staring at the white walls of the infirmary she would go mad.

She paced up and down the cordoned off wing, eyes flitting up to watch the rise and fall of Ben's chest each time she passed.

Jedi were supposed to be infinitely patient. Great beacons of peace and calm. But she felt on the edge of crawling out of her skin. For days now her only company had been an unconscious man and a humorless med droid.

What had at first been a celebrated capture that heard her name chanted through the base in victory, now turned to a bitter whisper the longer she secluded herself with the man.

Finn hadn't even attempted to see her since she'd returned.

That hurt the worst of it all.

She hadn't found her home in him, but she still always saw him as a part of it.

But this wasn't her choice to make. Whether she could make them see that or not. Who was she to deny the machinations of the fabric of the very universe?

Rey forced herself to unclench her fists. One more paced lap, one more check on the rise and fall of his chest.

Up. Down. Up. Down.

His mind was quiet. She found herself greedily wishing for some private turmoil to break up the monotony. She couldn't stand this holding still.

What she got instead felt like warm hands sliding securely over her shoulders.

Rey's feet stilled as the warmth spilled over her body like a shower. Her eyes fluttered shut.

This. This was him. He'd pulled her to him the only way he could.

'Please,' she begged across the bond. 'Please wake up. I need you.'

There was no response. The hands at her shoulders seemed to tighten before they disappeared.

"No," Rey choked out a sob. Her hands slid up her own arms, chasing after his retreating presence.

The door hissed open.

Rey's eyes locked onto the sound, a pit already forming in her stomach.

Poe stepped into the infirmary flanked by a collection of unfriendly guards.

The process had begun.

"No," Rey murmured again, fresh tears stinging her eyes. "You can't do this."

"They're just moving him to a holding cell," Poe assured her. The guards moved past her to prep him for the transfer. Rey could only watch as tears raced down her cheeks.

"The preparations for the trial have begun."

Everything seemed in slow motion. Surreal.

"You know it won't be fair," she gritted it out, bloodshot eyes finding Poe again. Every ounce of her control was working to fight the urge to throttle him.

Maybe the man lying motionless in the bed before her had had more of an impact on her than she thought.

"No," Poe marched himself nose to nose with the Jedi. "It _will_ be a fair trial. And he will be convicted of every crime, of every atrocity, every horror he has ever unleashed upon the people of this galaxy _because he's guilty_. Of every single one. Because he's a monster."

With that Poe gestured to the guards, and they began to wheel Ben's bed out on Poe's heels.

Rey's fists closed again.

"Let me go with him."

Poe froze, already half way to the door. "Why are you making this so difficult?"

"Let me join him in his cell or I'll give you a reason to put me there."

Poe pinched the bridge of his nose for the second time in as many visits.

He turned, flicked his eyes between each guard. They watched him with bated breath.

He nodded his head and continued his path out of the infirmary.

Rey followed in silence.

'I will be with you.'


	13. Chapter 13

"I believe," a long, labored inhale, "you are not supposed to be in here."

Rey's eyes opened to the medical gown-clad chest she had fallen asleep to.

Of course those would be his first words after waking.

Bastard.

"You took too long to wake up. Gave me time to get up to my own trouble." Rey tilted her head back to look into his eyes. A small, tired smile crept over his features.

"My apologies, I may have been otherwise engaged." His words were spoken slowly, ragged breathing dotting the pauses. Rey's expression turned pained at the realization of how far he had yet to go in his recovery.

"Are you alright?"

The question startled her. It was silly of him to ask. Of course he could sense that she was perfectly fine. But the way his gaze lingered on the bandages streaking the left side of her face told her that he needed to hear her say it.

"I'm fine," it was a promise. His eyes searched her, just to be sure, before seeming to accept her response.

Ben's eyes lifted from hers to examine the cell they resided in. It was the same the Cathar had been held in, the most secure in the base.

"How long?"

"About a week and a half," Rey's eyes turned to her fingers as they traced circles on his chest. She felt his flare of frustration at the lost time, at his own weakness. And she felt it all melt away. He settled his hand at her waist as he fixed his eyes back down upon her.

"Why haven't they killed me yet?"

Rey let herself look up into his dark eyes and drown there.

She didn't want to have to say it out loud. That the Resistance had been left reeling after the loss of their last semblance of leadership. That every single one of them knew Rey would have razed the base to the ground if they so much as laid a finger on him. That they were not just afraid of him, but her as well. That she had alienated everyone alive that had ever cared for her.

His fingers traced the edges of the bandages on her face.

Rey swallowed hard against the lump in her throat.

"Where will we go?"

Rey's heart leapt out of her chest. Their faces were inches apart.

It was a foregone conclusion to him that they would leave together.

"I don't suppose you have any friends on the outer rim with some spare beds?" Her eyes were stuck on his lips.

A soft wheeze of a chuckle. Warmth spread through her stomach.

A firm knock from the observation glass changed Rey's entire demeanor. She spun off of the bed and landed in a crouch, ready to pounce.

'Stop,' it was said in an even tone she couldn't fathom at that instant.

They had come to _take him_. After everything she had gone through. After everything she had done. And the loss that came with it. She had no intention of allowing them to steal him from her.

"It's not the time," he fought to prop himself up on his elbow as he gasped for air. "Save your strength."

Rey turned. Stared at his pleading eyes in disbelief.

Poe, Finn, two guards, and an older man Rey had never seen pushed past her. Paid her no mind.

"The trial will commence in the morning," the man spoke without preamble. Ben did not even attempt to look interested in any of them.

"And the execution?" He muttered dully as he settled back into his bed. The med droid rolled over and began its monitoring. Poe could not hide his contempt.

Finn only shook his head. Still hadn't looked at Rey.

"You will have an armed guard as well as a representative," the man tapped through a data pad as he pressed on. "You should spend what time you have contemplating what direction you would like to take."

"None of that will be necessary," Ben raised his arm for the droid to open his gown and change the dressing on his wound. Rey stared at the scar tissue working its way inward.

The old man straightened. He fussed with his robes before responding.

"Then you choose to accept the charges of-"

"I don't care to waste any more of my time with you." Clean bandage in place, Ben turned to face the wall.

The old man frowned. "Then the execution will be scheduled for midday."

Ben waved them off.

It wasn't enough for Poe. He clearly needed more. Needed to see the injured man twisted up in a different kind of agony. He surged toward the bed.

"It wasn't enough to kill your own father," he snarled at Ben's back. "You had to kill the most influential woman the galaxy has ever seen."

Rey could sense the tension that seized every muscle in Ben's body. He rolled onto his back, and very carefully moved into a sitting position. Eyes leveled with Poe's. All consuming, trembling, barely contained rage. Rey felt dizzy with it.

"You will want to be very careful with your next words."

The old man stepped behind the guards as they retreated a few steps.

Poe had never been one to be intimidated easily, however.

"You're a coward."

Ben swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Rey could sense the effort it took, but he masked it well.

His eyes lost some of their flame.

"I destroyed the armada that murdered my mother." Ben's eyes flicked between Poe's. The other man faltered. It was incredible that such a simple action could shake someone so profoundly. "You're welcome."

Poe's jaw was fixed tight as he pushed past the others and out of the cell.

Finn gave Rey a mournful look as he followed the others away. Like it was the last time he would see her.

Maybe it would be.

She felt the stab in her heart of the word she knew was ringing through his mind: traitor.

Ben settled back to the bed once more. She could feel his eyes on her before she realized she was staring at the door Finn had disappeared out of.

There was nothing left here for either of them.


	14. Chapter 14

Rey had thought of absolutely nothing but escape since the meeting. Her arms and legs were drawn up tight against the chill of the cell as she sat with her back to the wall, as far away from Ben's bed as she could get.

They had spoken briefly of the vaguest outline of a plan - essentially, that they needed one. But Ben had no rush to it, and soon drifted back to sleep. Rey couldn't understand how he was so untroubled by their situation. As though his death hadn't just been scheduled.

Rey glanced at the clock. 3am. A large wheeze of breath from across the room, and then a shift, and the breathing stabilized.

Rey wondered if his casualness was a schooled response or if he already had his own plan.

Much as they shared through the bond - intentionally and otherwise - she could not take what he did not want to give.

A dark corner of her mind delighted at the uncertainty of it all. Taunted her with the suggestion that she had been manipulated every step of the way. That it had all been some elaborate plot to murder his mother, locate the Resistance base, and steal her to his cause all in one fell swoop.

Rey sat with the train of thought for a while.

Maybe the reason he was so at ease was because his real fleet was on its way to collect them at that exact moment.

She hated herself more the longer she considered it.

Ben's expression shifted, told her that he felt it even in his sleep. She was too open, too afraid, too raw to keep any of it to herself.

A sob fought its way from her lips as she bowed her head to her knees. Her body shook uncontrollably. She felt watched.

"The only thing you can trust is yourself," the words were spoken softly as he observed her, "and your own judgement."

Rey's head jerked up from its resting place. Tears spilled freely. She could feel that her state pained him, but he refused to patronize her with empty comforts.

"Why did you shut me out after that night?" She had to know. It was the blank spot of time that could reframe their entire relationship. Turn her from a simple optimistic child to a destructively lovesick fool.

Love…love?

"Because I'm weak." Matter-of-fact. Practiced. "And your light is blinding."

Rey wondered how much it had dimmed over the last two weeks.

"You're not such a wretched thing as you believe," she muttered, no matter how much she wished she didn't believe it.

Ben gestured around them to the cell. The place she had rescued him to. Because she thought him worthy. "I believe you've already made your point."

Rey bit her lip to fight back a laugh.

"You're strong in every way I am weak," he finally admitted. Demanded their eyes meet. "And as it was all coming down around me I thought you would use that to expedite my fall."

He thought she was manipulating him that night?

Rey covered her face with her hands. Laughed. Really, truly laughed - a nervous, hysterical thing that rocked her body in a way she couldn't control.

It didn't take long before he'd joined in with his own wheezed panting.

"I'm going to re-open the wound because of you," he muttered before coughing into his pillow.

"I genuinely believe we're the stupidest people the galaxy has ever seen," she said as she settled. Finally withdrew her hands from her face and _looked_ at him.

His hair was mussed. Smile still on his face. It suited him.

"Maybe," he trailed off as he watched her. She could sense him thinking something similar. A blush crept up her cheeks.

"So," she started, arms crossed over her chest. 'How are we getting out of here?'

'So glad you asked,' he replied as he mustered enough strength to stand. She just watched as he padded over and crouched in front of her. Something was in his hand.

A key card. With a familiar pilot's face featured prominently.

Rey smiled.

"I hope he doesn't mind too terribly."


	15. Chapter 15

They hadn't so much come up with a concrete plan as they had agreed on an objective and immediately set out for it.

She supposed it was one of the few things they had in common: neither had a lick of patience.

Using the key card to exit the cell was simple enough. They had already been able to sense the number of guards (twelve) immediately outside the door, so there was no surprise there. Rey threw herself at them in melee, while Ben hung back and flicked his wrist to toss aside any that got too close to her. He clenched his fist, and crushed the radio of one man attempting to raise the alarm.

The base was large, but not a labyrinth. There weren't an abundance of shortcuts or offshoots for them to utilize.

"Ducts?" He asked as he pulled on the jacket of a Resistance fighter Rey had knocked unconscious. This would be their only chance to collect supplies before their journey.

"Can you really climb with that hole in your side?" Rey was unfastening the man's holster.

"Don't insult me," he took the weapon from her hands and began to buckle it around his waist.

"Alright. But we've got to stop at my room first."

Ben frowned as his eyes darted up to her. "What could be so important?"

Rey rolled her eyes. Made a swinging motion accompanied by a low hum.

"Oh. Right. That."

"Right," she extended her hand to him, and hauled him to his feet. She pretended not to notice his involuntary grunt of pain.

They were really doing this. She had really, properly just turned her back on these people.

And she found that she didn't care.

The path to the dorms was sparsely populated, and the few they did encounter were easily avoided. Rey wondered why Poe had expected to be able to hold two Jedi against their will.

Once inside her dorm, she made a beeline for a small trunk next to her bunk. She snatched up a bag and tried to empty the trunk into it before Ben could see what she was doing.

"You…" Ben stepped toward her, mouth slightly agape, "… _stole_ the ancient Jedi texts."

Rey smiled tightly.

"Not really the best time," she reminded him as she tossed the bag over her shoulder. She found another duffle style bag and threw it to Ben's chest. He began filling it with basic supplies as he shook his head in disbelief.

She thought she detected a flicker of pride. Tried not to be too pleased with herself for it.

He coughed harshly into his hand, only to find it speckled with blood. Rey fought down her worry. Made sure to bring along her med kit.

She upended her mattress and retrieved what they had really come for. The saber that had been divided.

The saber they would make anew.

"There's a vent here," she indicated the ceiling above her dresser. With an unceremonious clatter, she mounted the object and unfastened the covering plate impeding their journey.

Ben had vigorously argued that their goal should be to secure the Falcon, but Rey knew it was too recognizable for the places they needed to hide. She also knew Chewie to sleep in the thing, and refused to draw him back into the middle of this. He had done enough. Ben tried not to be disappointed.

"That one," they chorused while pointing to the same little ship as they observed the hangar from an upper vent. Rey smiled as she turned to him. She hadn't known two people could be so in sync. He smirked.

She drew a deep breath. "Are we ready for this?"

Ben's smirk grew into a full smile.

"Oh, I suppose."

Rey was pretty sure she shouldn't have been having fun.

The instant her toes made contact with the hangar deck, she sprinted to the cover of a pallet of supplies. Ben waited for her say-so to shuffle down the ladder, decidedly more slowly than she had. Rey found herself fighting for a lungful of air.

His hand was cupped around the hole in his side. Covered in fresh blood.

'Go,' he ordered as he made his way after her.

But something wasn't right. She hadn't sensed it in the rush of working at his side again. And he'd been too preoccupied with his injury to notice it either.

They were too close to escape with too little resistance.

'I sense it too,' he whispered to her mind as he sidled up alongside her.

'I don't sense any troops,' she frowned as her eyes scanned the enormous hangar.

'Do you think they disabled the hyperdrive capable ships?' He readied his pistol once his eyes landed back on their target. A tiny ship that belonged to a passing trader.

'That would take too long. It's something else,' it felt like an itch at the back of her mind that she couldn't get her finger on. Panic bit at her the longer she tried to place it.

'Well then. I guess we'll have a nice surprise,' Ben bumped her shoulder to urge her on.

Inside, the ship was even smaller than expected - clearly only ever intended for a single occupant, in spite of its two pilot seats. But it had everything they needed; provisions, a bed, a fresher, and most importantly, a hyperdrive. Ben collapsed into one of the seats as soon as he was able, hand still clutching his side. He looked paler than he had in the infirmary, which was a feat in itself.

"Let's go," he pushed her concern aside again. Rey blew out the breath she'd been holding and went about figuring out the controls. Ben started the calculations for light speed.

She steered the ship out of the mouth of the hangar, panting now. The further they got, the greater her tension.

"It can't be that easy," he echoed her train of thought. Her jaw tightened.

"Are we ready for the jump?"

He nodded. Her fingers gripped the toggle, heart in her throat.

She realized too late the trap that had been laid for them.


	16. Chapter 16

The second they went to light speed, it was too late.

The tiny ship streaked through the stars for only a moment or two before the explosion rocked it.

The cacophony of alarms was all that brought her to again.

Adrift, light-years away from anywhere.

Ben unconscious in the other pilot's seat, dotted with fresh, bloody injuries.

"No," Rey gritted out, fighting her way out of her harness. Everything swayed with each movement she made. She felt as though she might be ill.

"Ben," she finally stumbled toward him, collapsing to her knees at his side. He hung from his harness almost lifelessly as she reached out, shook him, fought for even the smallest sign-

A fire flared from the back. Small, but big enough to engulf a decent portion of the tiny ship.

She should have expected this. Should have known what to check for. Would have if they just hadn't been so eager to leave…

Rey busted out the safety glass surrounding the can of fire suppressant next to the cockpit. She charged toward the flame, screaming as though it were a creature she could intimidate. The swirling blaze licked about her form, until she finally extinguished its source: the remnants of the hyperdrive.

Rey dropped the can and rushed back to Ben's side. There were no hull breaches, she could tell by the klaxon. Everything else could wait.

"Ben, you have to wake up."

Blood dribbled from his lips.

"Don't you dare do this to me again," she begged as she took his face in her hands. Shook him. Slapped him. Anything.

Nothing.

Rey collapsed next to the pilot's seat.

It wouldn't end like this. Couldn't end like this.

She hadn't come this far, fought this hard, for a small explosion to end them both. What of that burning purpose she had felt in their connection? What of the balance she had seen in the distance? What of the will of the Force?

But perhaps they had already turned their backs on that purpose. Perhaps they were meant to be one another's fall all along. Perhaps this was the Force attempting to right their straying paths.

Rey climbed up to gather his face in her hands again. Press her forehead to his.

"You know I won't do this without you," the softest plea from her raw throat.

A tiny wheeze of breath.

Rey could have kissed him.

In a mad scramble she ripped open his shirt and laid her hands over the hole in his side. She had no idea what she was doing or if it was even possible.

But that didn't stop her.

She cleared her mind of everything. Let the ship, the Resistance, the stars themselves, all fade into the background. Into nothingness. All but him.

She felt it. His wounded lung. The way each movement ripped it anew.

It all made sense this way. The way it fit back together like puzzle pieces. The way his blood could seep back into his system. His spark, his fire, had never been close to going out so long as she was at his side.

Rey fell to the deck plate in a heap from the effort of it all. Heard a harsh gasp of breath as she drifted off.

Ben.

"Rey," his voice was rough, had its old intensity back to it. His hands were at her shoulders and she couldn't see a speck of his blood.

The alarms had ceased. The ship was near silent.

"How long was I out?" Rey cradled the back of her head where she had landed. She realized belatedly that he'd moved her to the lone bed of the ship.

"Few hours. Gave me time to patch things. But none of it will hold." He passed her a canteen of water.

"How far out are we from the nearest planet?" Rey gulped down the liquid. Hadn't realized how scorched her throat was from the fire.

"Day or two," he stiffened at this news. "But the nav computer is down. No clue where we are or what planet it is."

Rey's eyes drifted down to his still-open shirt. Found the spot she had expected to be bloody, horrifically scarred-

And found only clean, smooth skin.

"You're going to have to teach me that one some time," he responded to her look of bewilderment.

"Yeah," she agreed as she stared for a bit longer than she should have.

Ben stood soon enough, focused again upon repairing the ship. Not oblivious to the moment, but pointedly uncertain of what to do with it.

Rey smiled. Wondered for a moment if she'd suffered brain damage. But even that wouldn't have mattered to her.

She knew there was no place else she'd rather be.


	17. Chapter 17

Rey's eyes fluttered open. Stared at the ceiling for a long time. She hadn't gotten restful sleep like that in weeks.

She heard soft murmurs from the cockpit. Swung her legs over the edge of the bed as quietly as she could, and leaned forward to try to catch a glimpse of what Ben was doing. A woman gestured to something on his screen. He mumbled again.

She realized he'd pulled her boots off for her. A quick glance to where she'd busted out the fire suppressant and she noted he'd cleaned up the glass as well, so she dared to tiptoe barefoot toward the front of the ship.

"What are you doing?" She asked with a yawn, stretching an arm over her head as she watched his screen.

"Brushing up on my language skills," he said before muttering along to the overly excited pixelated woman pointing to some kind of pack beast. Rey couldn't help snorting.

"Thought you'd have learned all this," Rey leaned on the back of his seat as she watched.

"Yes, well," he folded his arms after turning off the holo, "one grows complacent with a universal translator built into their helmet."

Rey laughed again and fell into the other pilot's seat. "The real reason you wore that thing comes out."

A white-hot flare of self hatred burned across the bond as he stared down at his knees, jaw tight. She dropped the subject.

She spent a moment observing him while he was absorbed in his thoughts. He'd changed his clothes, somehow finding a long black tunic and loose pants. It was strange seeing him out of the med gown as well as his suit. But she found it rather suited him.

"We're going to need to blend in once we get to this mystery planet," Rey picked at the armrest as she spoke. He finally looked up at her.

"I'm not changing my hair."

Rey immediately huffed out a laugh, the tension that had been building vanishing in an instant. He chuckled along.

"No," she agreed, toying at her own hair. She wasn't very good at doing anything fancy with her locks, but she supposed she at least needed to change the style.

"Maybe I should grow a beard," Ben mused as he scratched at the stubble of his chin. Rey's nose immediately scrunched at the suggestion, and she kicked his seat. Ben was smiling.

"Don't you dare," she threatened.

"No?" He feigned innocence. Those big eyes made the look entirely too easy for him to pull off.

Rey's heart fluttered, and she had to look away.

"Maybe not," he finally agreed, fingers still running over his face. Catching on his scar.

Her fingers went to her own face. Traced the bandages still at her cheek. Considered how well they matched one another now.

They had come far. But still had a long way to go.

Rey went about checking on their supplies, finding how much was lost to the fire. Thankfully the food and water had been sealed away in a locker, so there were no losses there. But they'd burned up more than enough oxygen to give her pause. She wasn't sure the scrubbers could handle the load of two people for as long as they needed.

"Is there any way we can shave time off of our trip?"

Ben shook his head from his console where he'd been plotting out fuel reserves. Rey dropped her data pad onto her seat in frustration. Force, why couldn't something go smoothly?

"There is something else we could try," his voice was hesitant as he peered up at her. His eyes made her stomach do an uncomfortable dance. She swallowed hard, nodding him on.

"There is a deep trance state some Jedi once practiced. Once under it, the practitioners consume less oxygen. That could prolong our reserves…If you let me teach it to you."

Rey's stomach did a proper somersault. Something about the way he spoke made the meditation sound so…intimate.

"What must I do?" She didn't realize the white-knuckle grip she had on the back of her pilot's seat until he stood and gestured for her to follow. He climbed onto the bed and sat there, legs crossed, eyes boring holes into her being as he waited for her to join him. She hesitated only a moment before stepping onto the bed. There wasn't much room - it was meant for a single person and Ben was not a small man - but she folded herself into the space all the same. He drew a breath, and she followed suit. Their knees bumped briefly.

'Clear your mind,' his eyes locked with her own. She didn't dare to look away.

'Let the ship, the planet, the saber, the texts…let it all fall away.'

Everything around them shifted out of focus. Everything but him and the intensity of his gaze.

There was nothing but the two of them.

His hands reached out. Grasped her at the wrists. Her fingers instinctively curled around his in turn.

They drew one another closer until their foreheads were touching and their eyes were closed. They breathed the same air in a dizzying cycle.

Rey felt herself swimming through his mind. Adrift. Afraid.

There was darkness there, to be sure. But light as well. Memories. Tainted, now, with the actions of a tormented man. Even now the agony writhed within him. Every pain, from the enormity of killing his own father, down to how deeply he'd always despised his own appearance, was all laid bare.

It was always held so close inside. The more she saw, the more it pained him.

'Let go,' she whispered to him. His body shook in her hands.

She could see him. Younger, here. Still pained. Still alone.

Hatred for his bloodline. His family. The neglect. Snoke's manipulation. Disgust with his inability to live up to the expectations before him. His own weakness. It coiled inside him like a snake, choking the life from him.

'Let go,' she repeated the words he'd said to her once. Tears spilled down the cheeks of the boy in her mind.

She couldn't bare to hold the trance any longer.

She gasped the instant her concentration snapped. Ben recoiled, as though he'd been struck.

Rey's eyes desperately sought connection. But he was scattered, panicked, panting. He scrambled away to the fresher. It was too much for him.

Rey didn't follow.

'I will be here,' she whispered. A gentle reminder. One he needed.


	18. Chapter 18

Rey was surprised to find that what had only felt like minutes within the trance, was actually closer to twelve hours. Her body somehow felt no ill effects from the prolonged state.

But Ben had still not so much as looked at her.

He'd kept himself locked in the fresher for nearly an hour, but finally slipped back into his pilot seat once she asked to shower. It was only partially a ploy to get him out of the locked room.

Once under the trickle of water, she tried to release the tension in her shoulders. For a Jedi meditation, the trance had not exactly been relaxing.

She scrubbed at her face. Removed the bandages from her skin. Let her fingers run over the new landscape.

Wondered how many more scars she would accumulate in their travels. Not only of the body.

Rey stepped out of the fresher in her loose training attire that doubled nicely as pajamas. Played with her wet hair as she wandered back to the bed. It was still a novel sensation for her.

She heard the clatter of Ben's console. The sounds of the same excited woman as before. He didn't speak along this time.

A sigh of frustration escaped her. She knew it was a waste of air. But she hadn't seen things going this way. Maybe she had been too naive…no, certainly she had been. But being so close to him and yet held at arm's length…it hurt.

'It'll be close, but we should be able to make it to the planet with the oxygen we have left.'

Her breath caught.

She should have known he wouldn't want to try the trance again.

Half of her wanted to push the subject. Make him reconsider. But she knew she couldn't ask for so much so quickly.

Curiosity took hold of her idle mind. She crossed her legs, and decided to attempt the trance alone. If nothing else it would pass the time until Ben had decided to speak to her properly again.

It wasn't the same. There was a depth to it that wasn't possible to dive to alone. It left her feeling empty, like an echoing cavern.

It was as though she might be swallowed up. Just like in the cave on Ahch-To. Just like the mirror.

Just like every time she looked in his eyes.

She snapped to with a harsh gasp, just like the last time.

The first thing her eyes landed on was him. Sitting on the floor by the bed. Taking in every detail of her.

Her skin gathered goosebumps. Body trembled. He'd been watching for hours.

"It didn't work," barely even a whisper.

"No," his eyes softened as he observed her weakened frame. "It was a meditation used by Masters with their Padawans. Never alone."

He wanted to go to her. Comfort her. Soothe the empty ache. She could feel it bubbling beneath the surface of him. Found she was panting. Couldn't understand how he was maintaining his control through such raw, red-hot _want_.

All Rey could hear was her heartbeat in her ears, and his in her chest.

He made no moves. Expected no response. She was so close to reaching out, snatching him to her, so desperately needed something she couldn't place…something too big to ask of him.

Something she knew he would give at a moment's notice.

It was her turn to flee.

He didn't follow.

But she could swear she felt a soft hand brush her hair from her face after she threw herself against the locked fresher door.


	19. Chapter 19

Rey finally took her shift at the controls. Let Ben get some sleep.

They had spoken only briefly before he retired, and she couldn't help how stilted it was.

The ship was too small, their feelings too big. There was no space to collect one's thoughts without the other's pressing in at you.

Rey wanted to find comfort in the entanglement, but it was all so new to her, and she was afraid. Afraid of the losses she'd suffered each time she began to be drawn in by another. Afraid it could happen again. The spaces they took up in her heart weighed heavy.

Ben heard her every fear, every concern, as its own rejection. She didn't have to feel it through the bond to know - his eyes told it all. Said plain as day that he had expected as much. Deserved as much. She wanted to go to him, tell him he didn't understand, this wasn't about him. But every time, the words caught in her throat. She stayed silent. And he retreated further into himself.

He meant too much to her. The scale of her growing need for him shook the once fiercely independent scavenger to her core. And that meant she couldn't rush any of it.

He expected nothing. But want was different.

The planet loomed through the view screen. She could just about make out its color. A light brown? Or maybe green.

Rey's heart skipped a beat at the idea that the planet was not some barren waste. Not like Jakku.

Maybe they could have a real life there…

It occurred to her that she had no idea what that would entail.

Would they try to lose themselves in a community? Would they take on jobs? Have friends, a home? Would they keep to themselves and live off their own land instead? Or would they regroup and move on from this place to another as soon as possible? Did they have a final destination? Was peace even possible for them to attain in the most selfish capacity, for themselves alone?

Or maybe they would go their own separate ways. Fade away into the rabble, their power and influence with them.

No. Not after this. The revelation of finding one another was too much for either of them to walk away from now.

Ben slid into his seat silently. She knew she'd woken him with the conflict of her mind.

They sat together without a word for hours. Watched the small orb grow before them. She had been wrong - it was blue, specked with browns and larger dots of green. Rey smiled at the sight.

"Can you detect any settlements?" He finally broke the silence. She cleared her throat and finally tore her eyes from the approaching sphere.

"There's a city…a few smaller settlements," Rey tapped through her sensor readings and hummed to herself. Ben started throttling down to conserve fuel and enter orbit.

"We should land here…it's uninhabited, between a few settlements, and only a day's hike from the city." She highlighted the area for him on his display.

"Best odds at repairing the hyperdrive," he commented as he cycled down again. Rey's stomach tightened and she swallowed hard.

"How long do you think we'll stay here?" She wasn't sure how else to broach the subject so she could get a better handle on their long-term goals.

"Won't know until we land." He was silent for a while. Rey thought he was finished and shifted her gaze uneasily to her lap. She felt his eyes on her finally. She met them.

"It doesn't really matter where we end up."

Rey took a long breath as she searched his eyes. His words held more than was spoken aloud.

They both turned back to the view screen and watched the ship coast on.


	20. Chapter 20

Why would the landing go smoothly when nothing else had?

Rey kicked open a control panel responsible for the landing gear. May have used more force than necessary.

"How interesting is this landing going to be?" Ben called back to her over the rattle of their tiny ship entering the atmosphere.

"About as interesting as the rest of this trip," she yelled back as she tried to bypass a damaged circuit.

"Wonderful," he replied, and for a brief moment he reminded her of Han.

When she awoke to blaring alarms again, she could have laughed at the sense of deja vu. But anger, frustration flared instead, so powerfully that when she tried to stand and instead fell to the floor, she was only confused. Ben was stirring from the cockpit, fumbling his way out of his harness and to her.

He fell to his knees at her side, breath coming in pants. "I'd prefer boring one of these times."

Rey snorted as she rolled onto her back.

"Don't move," he said sternly as he tore a sleeve from his tunic. Rey frowned, only watching as he snatched up a loose bit of pipe. He shifted her right leg, and it became blindingly obvious what he was doing. She shot into a sitting position with a gasp.

"Are you _kidding_ me," she growled as she stared down at her shin bone, bent unnaturally. He huffed a laugh at her flaring anger.

"That's the spirit," he slipped the fabric under her leg and the pipe along her shin. She hissed in pain at every movement.

"You're not going to like me very much after this," he warned, hands at the ready to set the bone.

"After all this, I think I already don't like you," Rey grumbled. She shifted her weight to her left side and tried to look away. He smiled.

"Ouch." He paused, pulled the med kit to him from across the ship. He shuffled through its contents for a moment before removing a syringe, and injected her before she could protest.

"I still don't like you," she muttered as her eyelids grew heavy.

"How terribly unfortunate for you," he murmured as he finally set her leg. It was only a distant twinge as she drifted off.

She came to once more, immediately hit with the throb of her leg. She couldn't make sense of her position for a while, still too groggy to open her eyes. She seemed to be being jostled and bounced. Someone was breathing heavy at her ear. She felt ill, far too warm for herself.

Finally her eyes worked their way open. She found herself being carried on Ben's back through a dense tropical forest. He picked his way through the thick underbrush quickly, hopping the two over downed trees with practiced ease.

Rey took a shaky breath. Tried to push the pain from her mind. "Are we there yet?"

Her words startled him out of his rhythm, and he nearly slipped on a moss covered tree trunk. He took the chance to pause and catch his breath. Deposited her on a flat boulder.

She hadn't been able to fully heal his lung. She could feel it now. There was no longer a wound, but perhaps scar tissue that prevented him from easily regaining his composure.

"Did the pain wake you?" He asked as he knelt to check her bandage. He was worried. Afraid he'd worsened her injury with their travel. She wasn't sure why it was so surprising to her. It felt like when she realized Finn had come to rescue her.

"I'm fine," she said as she watched. He adjusted the bandage, dropped the supply bag he'd grabbed from the ship. Started looking for more painkillers.

"No," she grabbed his hand to stop his search, "I'm really okay. I promise."

He stared up at her. Searched her for something. Let his eyes wander down to her hand on his.

She laced their fingers together, like he had done so many nights ago.

He withdrew, busying himself with checking their surroundings. "It's getting late. We'll camp here for the night."

Rey nodded, and tried not to be hurt.


	21. Chapter 21

Rey's eyes opened to the singing of birds.

It was just barely dawn. The fire Ben had built had long since burned out. He laid behind her, asleep, with a healthy gap between them. She shivered beneath his jacket. Wished for his warmth to envelop her…

He felt further from her now than when they'd seen each other only through the bond.

A low whistle called her attention to a nearby tree. A brilliantly feathered bird cocked its head in her direction, before it continued its song.

Rey had never heard anything like it. She propped herself up on one arm as she watched a flock swoop overhead. She pursed her lips and joined in.

He was watching her, she didn't have to look to know. She was getting used to the sensation.

This planet was so alive. It thrummed with the Force in a way she had not yet encountered.

"Were you able to sleep?" His voice was still laden with sleep. She nodded.

"We should get going," he murmured as he collected himself. Ran his hands through his hair. It was damp with the heat, the humidity of the forest. She could tell he was not nearly as rested as she.

"We're in no rush." She finally laid back. He cocked an eyebrow and indicated her leg.

"I doubt there'll be any crack doctors here." She tucked an arm under her head. Gestured for him to come closer. He looked uncertain.

"You need rest, too."

He looked baffled by her concern over such a simple thing. Over him at all.

But he laid back down. Scooted closer. Not close enough. Not touching. But he closed his eyes, and let the birds sing him back to sleep.

Once they reached the outskirts of the town it was midday. The locals seemed fairly primitive, but peaceful. They clearly wanted for little in such a bountiful, lively locale.

"I don't think we're going to get the hyperdrive fixed here," he shook his head as he watched one of the locals spear a fish from the stream. Rey let out a heavy sigh. She didn't know if she was relieved or frustrated.

"Well, we're stuck here, we might as well say hello." Rey straightened a bit from her spot on his back, tried to make herself look friendly. Ben shook his head again.

"I hope you're ready to do all the talking, I only made it through level two of that language course."

Rey snorted.

By some stroke of luck, the locals spoke basic - albeit very broken, and with heavy accents. Rey managed to use her years of experience dealing with other scavengers of wildly different backgrounds to communicate wherever a gap in language occurred. Ben hung back and observed, keeping close mental records of body language and intonation.

She could also feel his silent awe at how easy it was for her to deal with people she knew nothing about, and likely had very little in common with.

She could feel it, his growing fondness for her. His admiration. Her stomach churned and she lost her place in the conversation she was having. She had been negotiating safe housing, or something of the like.

By the time evening came, a kindly woman had eagerly welcomed them into her home. They had been offered a place as honored guests at the evening's village dinner. She had tried to politely decline, citing their need for rest after a taxing journey, but the chieftain was persistent. Ben leaned close from his spot next to her on a long log seat.

"You would warn me if they were about to eat us, right?"

Rey spit her drink into the fire. Elbowed him hard in the side.

She didn't want to admit that she liked his re-emerging sense of humor.

He just laughed into his mug. She was fairly sure it was some kind of sweet alcohol they were drinking. Everything was a bit hazy.

Ben didn't let a single bit of food or drink pass to her without first surreptitiously running a toxicity scan. In fairness, the drinks had gotten to her far more than they had him. She was a lightweight, and her barriers had dropped. She stared openly at his pink mouth every time he was distracted by his scanning. His lips looked so soft…

The space their host showed them to left exactly one thing to be desired: a second bed.

She knew he wasn't comfortable with the situation. Knew he wouldn't get a minute's rest. Knew she wouldn't be able to keep her hands to herself. Not in this state.

She thanked the woman as politely as she could, and kept her gaze far from him. Hobbled toward one edge of the bed. She silently thanked the Force that it wasn't as small as the one on the ship.

But he didn't climb in after her. And she hated how disappointed she was by that.

"They aren't so bad," she finally murmured once she'd settled along the edge of the bed. Left him plenty of room if he changed his mind.

"Hmm," he swayed slightly from his spot on the floor. He was trying to meditate, and failing miserably.

He was nearly as much of a lightweight as her, it seemed.

Her heart leapt with aimless excitement. She licked her lips. Folded her arms around herself.

"I'm cold." Her heart thundered in her ears. Hoped that her injured state would force him to take pity on her.

But she didn't want just pity.

She felt the dip of the bed behind her. His hesitance as he crept closer. His trembling breath.

He stilled mere inches from her.

She looked at him over her shoulder.

His eyes were fearful. Guilty.

'You don't want this,' she knew immediately he hadn't meant for her to hear him.

She reached for his hand. Drew his arm up, around her torso.

And he fled into the night.

She fell asleep with fresh tear tracks down her cheeks.


	22. Chapter 22

Rey was mad.

She laid on her back on her borrowed bed, staring at but not seeing the ceiling above her.

It didn't need to be this complicated. None of it needed to be so painful. Not now. Not so far from the Resistance. Outside the influence of the remnants of the First Order.

All she wanted was to gather him up in her arms and let the rest go.

These people were clearly untouched by the war. Had no interest in galactic politics or the machinations of the Resistance.

This was their chance. The opportunity she had once thought impossible.

Peace was within their grasp, if only they could both accept it.

But the longer she laid there, the more impossible it seemed.

She forced herself to her feet. Hobbled into the main room of the hut, where their host was preparing a meal for them. She was confused at Ben's absence. Rey could only smile and assure her it was normal.

She stepped out onto the trail that led to the home, eyes combing over the landscape, searching for any hint of where he'd gone-

She heard the bird song again. Quieter than the first time. She followed the sound instinctively.

He was sitting with his legs crossed atop a log, looking out at the mountains as he whistled that soothing melody.

Her anger melted away from her core at the sight.

"I was worried, you know," Rey leaned on the trunk of a nearby tree for support. He didn't face her.

"I'm sorry."

She hadn't expected the apology. She was taken aback. Almost frustrated. She wanted a reason to be cross with him after last night.

"Well. Now you get to make it up to me, because I don't think I can walk back to town."

She felt his smile, though she couldn't see it.

"I didn't know a place like this could exist."

She hadn't, either. Hoped that was a good thing to him.

He finally stood. Took a long, deep breath of the chilly morning air. Let it come out in a white cloud from his lips. She imagined watching him like this every morning. Found a swell in her chest she didn't know how to place.

He stepped over to her and let their eyes lock for a while. Pushed some of her sleep-mussed hair behind her ear.

He swept her up in a bridal style, and began walking back down the trail. Rey's normal, natural urge to fight the position didn't come. She only lay prone in his arms, curled against his chest.

They ate their host's generous breakfast without conversation, each contemplating their plan going forward.

"Do you think the city has more advanced technologies?" Rey was propped up against their host's hut, whittling a child's toy while Ben did odd jobs.

"What, like metal?" He said as he split a log with a primitive axe. Rey smiled, but still kicked at him with her good leg.

"I'm being serious," she murmured as she carved out a small face.

Ben shrugged before setting up another log. "I don't understand why there would be such a technological gap unless the city is run by outsiders."

Rey's stomach dropped. Outsiders meant one thing.

A chance of being recognized.

She hoped against hope that wasn't the case.

Ben stilled in his chores. Brows knit together as he watched her. "You _want_ us to be stuck here?"

Rey shrugged now. "It's not so bad," she said quietly. She let her eyes dart up to him before she spoke again. "You said it didn't matter where we ended up."

His brows drew downward. His lips parted. "I thought that you…"

…wanted more. She knew the words that failed to escape his lips.

But she didn't.

He was enough.

But he couldn't fathom that. At least not yet.

His lips parted as though he were about to speak again. But he thought better of it, forcing his focus back onto his task.

She knew the words that had died in his throat, now, too.

 _I want to give you more._


	23. Chapter 23

Each and every meal was heavenly. Rey was pretty sure she could eat non-stop on this planet.

She wondered as she bit into her third consecutive oblong blue fruit if she'd finally be able to build more muscle.

…after her leg healed, that is.

Rey grumbled irritably to herself as she skimmed through one of the Jedi texts. She was feeling too impatient to read, but too bored not to. So she flipped through, noting the artwork and color themes. A small note fluttered from between the pages and into her lap.

Rey frowned at the scrap of paper before picking it up. She squinted at the slanted, looping script.

 _Does anyone else actually read these?_

Rey snorted. Knew at once that one of Luke's students had left it there. She was fairly certain from the deliberate penmanship which one it had been, too.

Her eyes flicked up, caught him in the distance. Working on the frame of a shed for their host. He'd taken on their duties here with such conviction. She wondered if he was trying to prove something to the villagers, to her, or to himself.

"Yes, they do," she answered the question he hadn't spoken. He turned from his task, frowning in confusion. She held out the scrap of paper as he stepped closer.

He finally sat at her side, breathing heavy with exertion, when he took the bit of paper. It didn't take long for a bitter smile to play over his features.

"I think I combed through these texts more than Luke ever had," his thumb brushed over the words. She smiled now.

"I admire your patience. I can't even get myself through a paragraph."

His eyes flickered to her for the briefest moment. "You hold wisdoms beyond these mere tomes."

Rey's lips parted. She didn't know what to say to that.

He stood, and padded back to his abandoned task. But he kept the note in hand.

When he had finished his tasks for the day, he gathered her up in his arms and they ventured to the center of town. Apparently the village-wide dinner was a nightly occurrence, so they settled in amongst the crowd.

Rey decided to stay very far away from the drinks this time.

Ben handed her some kind of hollowed out vegetable with a soup inside. She already knew it would be delicious.

"You need to teach me how to heal your leg."

Rey blinked down at her injury. Hadn't even considered him trying to heal her as she had done for him. The only problem was, she had no practical understanding of how she'd done it in the first place. It had been sheer instinct and desperation. Her voice lowered among the chattering around them.

"I thought you were dying."

His eyes found hers. Big, vulnerable, confused. Looking for something. He still couldn't understand why she cared.

But she would make him see. Soon enough.

When they returned to their room, this time, he didn't hesitate to join her in the bed. But he straddled the very edge, keeping as much distance between them as possible.

She knew he thought he was doing this for her benefit. But she craved the closeness they once shared. She would make him understand this, too.

She waited until he was deeply asleep to slip her arm over his waist and sidle up close.

In the morning he was already gone. She scrubbed her hands over her face and tried not to be frustrated.

In the bed, in the spot he should have been, lay one of the Jedi texts. His old note peeked out from between two pages as a bookmark. Curiosity got the better of her, and she opened to the marked page.

It spoke of a healing ritual. Clearly not what she had used to aid him. But something that might help. It required a special herb, so she could only assume he had set out in search of it.

'There might not be any on this planet,' she gently prodded. She liked the idea of waking up with him at her side, and couldn't help her irritation every time he deprived her of the luxury.

'It's worth trying.'

She noted his hopeful tone. Tried not to read too much into it. Couldn't help smiling anyway.

Damnit. She couldn't stay mad.

How was he so good at that?


	24. Chapter 24

When Ben finally returned from his trip, fistful of herbs extended to her, all she could do was blink up at him.

"You're kidding me."

"No," he pushed the dry leaves toward her again, urging her to take them.

It just looked like…bits of earth.

"You want me to eat dirt."

"I want to not have to carry you around town."

That was a lie. She knew he enjoyed the innocent excuse to be against her.

She scrunched her nose at the filthy looking leaves. Considered if her leg was _really_ painful enough to choke the bits down.

Ben grumbled and forced the herbs into her hand, setting a small drawstring pouch on the bed beside her. "I gathered a bit extra."

"Extra dirt." She was very sure he was ready to throttle her. But she was having fun.

His hands went to his hips. "I had to swim through a swamp for that."

"Is that why you smell like that?"

He turned and walked out of the bedroom as she laughed.

'Thank you,' she reached out as she gave the leaves a sniff. They definitely smelled like dirt, too. But she didn't want him mad.

'You're welcome,' his response was nearly instantaneous.

No matter how many times Rey re-read the passage, she could not wrap her head around how the herbs were supposed to play into the ritual. The wording was so ancient, beyond anything she'd ever needed to study. Her tech manuals felt like children's books by comparison.

Rey gathered the text and the drawstring bag, and started limping her way toward Ben's mind. He wasn't in the house, but down a short path off the main drag. Rey pulled a stick lying on the ground to her, used it as a cane of sorts.

She rounded the final corner, and found him bathing in a hot spring.

Oh.

"Sorry!" Rey immediately blurted as she dropped her stick, slapping the hand over her eyes.

This was weird. She felt weird. Was it weird?

He snorted. "I'm wearing pants."

HE was weird.

"And you don't smell so good, yourself."

She let her hand fall from her eyes and scrunched her nose at him.

"You try bathing with this," she indicated her leg as she hopped closer.

It was far from the first time she had seen him in such a state of undress, but this felt like more. This was something that maybe even frightened her.

His skin was pink from the heat. Face clean shaven. Beauty marks stood out prominently on pale flesh. Wet hair stuck to his face, his neck, sticking in every direction. His scar, plain to see, somehow looking less pronounced than it had. All taut muscle over his broad frame…

He was _gorgeous_.

He frowned.

"What's wrong?" Concern crept into his voice.

Rey wanted to laugh for a moment at what an idiot she was being. Even managed to confuse _him_ with her racing thoughts. Instead she awkwardly held out the tome. "I can't understand the ritual."

"And you thought you didn't need a teacher," he smirked as he waded toward her. She hated the way her heart pounded the closer he got. Forced herself to look down and away, tried to ground herself.

"We'll need to do it after nightfall, for privacy," he gestured for her to come closer and set her things aside. She bit her lip hard and tried not to think about how suggestive his words were.

"Why?" She couldn't help blurting the question. Set the heavy tome and the drawstring bag on a boulder before she hopped to the edge of the pool and sat there.

"Who knows how superstitious these people are. Just a precaution."

His hands reached out and started to unfasten her belt.

She fumbled to her feet, only to fall unceremoniously on her rump. She wanted to hurl insults and accusations, but was too flustered to form a single coherent sound.

"Good job," he said as he leaned on the edge of the pool. "Are you done?"

"What do you think you're doing?!" She finally managed to say, voice higher than it should have been. The shock of the fall had renewed the throb in her leg. He laid his palms flat on the lip of the spring and lifted himself out.

"Helping."

Rey didn't even try not to stare.

His soaked skintight boxers left almost nothing to the imagination.

But gave it _plenty_ of fuel.

His hands fixed at her armpit and under her knees, and he lifted her off the ground. Hopefully not for the last time. But hopefully the last time he would need to.

Rey was curious if one's face could become red enough to cause them to faint.

He lowered her into the water slowly, letting her grow accustomed to the heat. She shivered involuntarily at the temperature difference, and he held her a little tighter before finally sitting her down on a step. Rey didn't know where to put her eyes once he released her and stepped away.

"What- what's the ritual?" She shifted herself and tried staring down at her legs, but he was right in front of her, and the water was so clear…

"Can't have a Jedi ritual without a meditation," he pulled the drawstring bag to him and removed a small handful of the leaves, before closing it again and tossing it back toward the text. "The herbs are to be burned in four fires surrounding you."

He smirked again before locking eyes with her. "No, you do not need to eat the dirt."

Rey couldn't help giggling at that.

He crushed the leaves in his hands, working in just enough spring water to turn it into a kind of paste.

He knelt in front of her, now chest deep in the water, and her tension immediately returned.

"What are you doing?"

If he said "helping" again she might have slapped him.

"Reducing the swelling." His hands slipped beneath the surface of the water, and she felt her bandage and splint fall away, only to be replaced with his hands. His fingers worked into the sore and disused muscle of her calf, sliding further until he settled massaging the swelling from her toes. Rey couldn't recall the name of the plant he was working into her skin, but she felt very prepared to sing its praises from the mountaintops. The pain was virtually gone, though she knew the injury was not.

He could feel it. Looked more at ease than he had. She wondered how much of her pain he could feel. She had fought just to breathe when his lung was injured, after all.

"Thank you." She stared down at him. Needed him to understand how grateful she was for everything he'd done. Everything he was doing. Everything he'd let go. For her. For them both.

He looked flustered for a moment. Stared down through the water at his hands, still pressing into the arch of her foot. He finally looked up, the faintest smile on his face.

"Like me yet?"

It was a joke, but she could detect the quiet need beneath it.

She smiled, a broad thing that quickly spread into a laugh.

"I may be warming up to the idea."


	25. Chapter 25

The ritual was not nearly so mysterious nor as complicated as the text led Rey to believe.

Ben knew his stuff. Prepared the fires in perfectly spaced mounds, laying her with her unbandaged leg in the center.

Without the benefit of the bandage's pressure, warm water, or the herbs, or especially a massage presently being applied to her leg, the pain overrode the rest of her mind long enough for her to craft up a string of expletives woven tightly in a way previously unheard by human and alien ears alike.

The words were not spoken aloud, but by Ben's pause and look of shocked admiration, she could tell they had bled through. She didn't really care.

Having the bandage off was excruciating. Her whole leg stung and vibrated at the surface, while the insides burned with the soreness of swelling. The splint had been digging harshly into the top of her foot every time she hopped or hobbled about, and now left a bloodied spot. She really wanted to crush the splint into a thousand pieces once they were done here.

"You're aware this is a _Jedi_ meditation - peace, tranquility, and all that," he couldn't contain his smile though he tried. Rey just grumbled to herself as she stared at her discolored leg.

Ben sighed and rocked back on his heels. The fires hadn't been lit yet.

"You're not allowed to judge, Prince of Darkness," she muttered mostly to herself. He went rigid. She knew she shouldn't have let her pain get the better of her like that.

"Center yourself."

It was not a request.

Shame laid upon her like a blanket. It didn't matter that it was said half jokingly. It dredged up enough painful memories. An apology would only worsen things.

Ben stepped in a circle around her, lighting the fires as he went. Once the smell of the burning herbs swirled about them, he seated himself next to her but outside the fires, legs crossed and eyes focused. Rey straightened her back and let her eyes slip shut. Let him lead the way.

It felt like falling. On and on and on, through what she could not tell. Someone else might have been frightened. She might have, as well, had his steady presence not been there to gently tug her in the right direction.

Visions of her childhood danced before her eyes. Running, running, running…from other scavengers. From raiders. From herself. From her truth.

Nights curled tight around a worn doll. No other company to be had.

Flickers of a boy. Dark, messy hair, over ears he hadn't yet grown into. Watching an argument from an empty room. The words were indecipherable, but his loneliness was not.

Her teen years, now. A man that pursued her throughout the Outpost. Leered at her in a way that made her feel ill. Never spoke to her. But he watched. Even woke to him in her home once. Watching her. He fled before she could. She rarely slept after that. After weeks of this, she saw him arguing with Plutt at his stall window. No salvage in hand, but still bargaining. Trying to buy something. _Her_.

She stabbed him in the leg. He rescinded his offer.

The boy again, hair longer now, face thinner. A haunted look to his eyes. A holo in his hands. An image of a woman. His mother.

The woman that hadn't spoken to him since she'd sent him away. Away with a man that held him at arm's length, a man that offered no warmth to him.

This wasn't what they were here for. This was all wrong. Rey felt as though she'd slipped beneath the surface of something she was meant to stay away from.

There was a hand, outstretched. She couldn't reach it, had already fallen too far away.

It snatched her in a fierce grip and dragged her to the surface.

There was something else here. All she could see before her was a milky haze. Slowly it populated at the edges of her vision. Greens, blues, yellows…life. The trees and animals of the planet. The villagers. Their kindness. The dark looming of the city they knew nothing about.

This place felt surreal. The colorful birds flew overhead without their song.

"Is this where we're supposed to be?" Her words echoed in a way they shouldn't have.

She was not speaking of the meditation.

"For now." His words were too distant. She couldn't see him.

"Please," she stepped through the dense underbrush, desperate to find him, "don't leave me here."

"You will never be alone again."

Rey's eyes opened. Winced at the brightness of the sun on her face.

She was in a field, laid flat on her back. Still at the center of the mounds Ben had built. Only ash now.

"How is your leg?"

The sound startled her. She stared up at him, still in the same position he had been the night before. Watching. But not as the strange man on Jakku had.

Protecting.

She shuffled into a sitting position. Stared down at the leg that had been bent oddly, at the skin that had been too swollen, too dark.

Now flawlessly smooth.

She gave her ankle an experimental roll.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

She couldn't believe it. Even looked at him in disbelief. He nodded.

"I'm not carrying you back to town."


	26. Chapter 26

Explaining her miraculous recovery to the locals was not exactly a simple feat.

She tried telling them it was not so severe an injury. That their species healed more quickly - not exactly a lie, if you considered Jedi a species unto themselves…

They were fairly quick to embrace it once they realized she was just as capable as Ben, however. She was just thankful for the diversion.

Rey had never built a structure before - never used tools or materials like those available to them in the village. But according to Ben, Luke had been a great champion of teaching such survival skills, and passed his knowledge on to her. She had to admit the satisfaction that came with completing one of their structures was a bit addictive. She wasn't sure if it was the sense of contributing to a community, the chance to work with her hands, or spending time alone with him. Perhaps it was all three.

Soon enough their debt was repaid, and Ben's mind was on their next move. Hers was more hesitant.

"We have to know what the city is like, at the very least," he said one night at the village dinner. He was trying to settle her fears that he was pushing them on too eagerly. She already knew it would be their last night there.

A young boy loitered near their regular seats, but said nothing. His eyes were on Ben's back. Rey smiled at him. It was not the first time she'd seen him.

Their host had told her plenty of him. His parents had died in a mudslide that wiped out a nearby settlement. He now drifted about the town, all alone.

He was an orphan. Just like them.

"You at least need to say hello to your fan," Rey murmured the words into her mug so the boy couldn't hear. Ben only looked confused. She nodded to the boy silently, and he followed her gaze.

The boy scattered immediately, ducking through the crowd and away. But she knew he'd be back.

Ben chuckled. "How long?"

"Last few days. I think he likes you."

He shook his head as he chewed a piece of grilled fish. "He has poor taste."

"Not so poor," she sipped her drink after speaking, eyes burning into his. He looked away.

They gathered their supplies silently when they should have been sleeping. Set out in the dead of night, only a rudimentary locator beacon directing them to the city.

It became very clear only half of the way to their destination that the city was nothing like the village.

Ships streaked through the sky, coming in for landings and disappearing into orbit.

This would be the perfect place to fix a hyperdrive.

And an even better place to be captured.

She wanted to turn around. Head back to the village. Hyperdrive be damned. There was a home for them there, the faint outline of it had been growing in her mind's eye. They still had a chance at it.

They arrived at twilight. The city was bustling, clearly alive with the kind of night life that most sane people would avoid.

Ben's eyes were not on the city's skyline. But the harsh shapes that hung above it.

Star Destroyers.

Not here. Not after everything.

She was glad, at the least, that they had attempted to disguise themselves. Her hair was curled in elaborate braids, face dirty, scars unhidden, body dwarfed by the enormous jacket Ben had given her. His hair was half braided and tucked into a bun, a scarf securely over his nose and mouth. They looked like average, filthy junkers. She just hoped it was enough.

Finding a scrapper with the parts they needed was easy enough. Finding a way to acquire those parts without a credit to their names was…interesting.

The first man they tried refused to bargain for services, and was not weak willed enough to succumb to their mind tricks. The second only dealt through a remote, and was not one to be intimidated.

They were forced to duck down an alley to dodge a passing group of Stormtroopers before they could locate a third.

"I'm beginning to think this was a bad idea."

"Thanks for saying so," Rey huffed. Ben straightened.

"Start fresh in the morning?"

Rey blinked hard at the subject change. He nodded to a run-down looking motel behind her. She couldn't help the way her nose wrinkled at its blinking neon sign. Ben just shook his head as he pushed her toward the doors.

"If they charge by the hour, we're leaving."

Ben could agree to those terms.


End file.
